Ode to a Cigarette (3 August 2015)

Speaking as an ex-smoker I would like to voice how much I miss cigarettes. I was a smoker from a very young age, it wasn’t peer pressure or anything like that, and it was more curiosity.

For years I complained that my mum smoked, way too many than anyone should a day, but as soon as she gave it up guess who started?  I remember it like it was yesterday, me and my three friends got a ten deck of regal king-size and off into the woods we went thinking we were great.  Of course when we first tried it the taste was horrible but there was something that kept you wanting more and it got nicer as it went on.

As the years went by it was just like a second nature to smoke.  Oh the joys of having a smoke on the drive to work, at break times, the drive home, after a meal and with a cheeky few drinks.  On a stressful day there was nothing like taking yourself out of the office and getting to relax with your best buddy Mr. Cigarette. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I gave it up for a reason, but the feeling of smoking was so good.  I’m going on 6 years now, with the occasional slip up of course.  I gave up because I had lost too many people to lung cancer and I thought it would be (apart from a few weeks of wanting to kill everyone) a good idea to quit while I was young.  It was easier than I thought but once I had a drink I just craved them.  I now still crave them but I won’t have one because now the taste would drive me round the bend.  I think I will probably crack someday and just go and smoke my brains out.

The one terrible drawback of quitting was replacing your lovely cigarette with snacks!  You don’t even notice that you are doing it.  I put on almost 3 stone, don’t ask me how I didn’t even notice because I don’t know, thankfully I lost the most of it but smoking definitely keeps you skinny.

I used to joke years ago about when I wouldn’t quit.  I used to say ‘no one likes a quitter’. 

8 July 2015 (Work & Aggrivation)

 8th July 2015

11.55am

I'm sitting in work glaring out the window into the car park trying to desperately daydream and all that keeps going through my head is "what am I still doing here".  8 years I have been in the same place gocking at the computer day in and day out.  There has to be something else....

I've decided to take it upon myself to write in this book (and type it onto a blog) to relieve all of these fuzzy feelings which might actually entertain someone one day.....if anyone ever reads it.

I have my blinds in work closed down and only a tiny strip of light is getting in, makes it hard to spy on people in the car park at lunch time running about like headless chickens trying to remember where their cars are.  It's the same people all the time, you think they'd learn for frig sake.

The language in here isn't going to be all clouds and kittens.

1.39pm

Have had my lunch and been for a walk to get out of this dreary office.  I wish it was time to go home.  This is the part of the day where the clock watching starts.  I'm always busy but sometimes I become concerned that the clock doesn't actually move and someone is taking the piss.

I know what your thinking....does she actually work or just write stuff in here? The thought of work is just far too depressing and watching the wind blow the trees is my entertainment for the next five minutes or so.  My work gets done but I need a distraction.

I'm not depressed, it's just hard to make your own fun in this place, everyone always looks so glum all of the time.  I used to make my own fun by scaring people most days but I said I would quit doing that for a year.  I thought it would have lasted a week so I'm exceptionally impressed with myself that I have lasted this long.  Who would have thought that I have the will power to fight every natural urge in my body to prank someone?

2.16pm

Back again so soon.  I'm ignoring the urge to look at facebook on my phone.  Its one of those stupid addictions, like smoking.  I know cos I used to smoke.  You get so used to fiddling with something in your hands that you have to get your daily fix about 10 times a day,  I fight the urge for facebook right now but I know its just shite.  I don't need a photo of what your just about to eat.  I don't even know why I read these things cos the whole site is full of shite, that's including my posts too.  I do like the weather page, it gives me a small glimmer of hope everyday that the sun might come out, it usually just lets me down.

Ever since this morning, since I heard the song on the radio I cant stop imagining Ted singing karaoke, I'm talking about Ted the bear from the movie, singing "I only want to be with you" (i think that's what its called).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjmuRjUMkbA


Great, the rain is on as usual, so much for getting my garden fence painted tonight.

2.45pm

I just drank so much watch I can hear it in my belly!

3.20pm

The aggravating feeling when someone comes into your office for a document that you know doesn't exist but they think it does and they make you look for it anyway.  Grrrrrrr.  But the great pleasure you feel when you get to reveal the news that you were right and it doesn't exist......COFFEE TIME!!!!