Feet Freaks (3 August 2015)

This is not a phobia but I’m sure you will decide its close enough to one as you read on. 

Feet!  The more you even look at the way it’s spelt the odder it becomes.  Just me? Probably!  I hate feet, I don’t mind when they are in shoes that are completely covered but I hate when they are on display out and about.  Don’t ask me why cos I don’t really know.

I’m not sure if it’s my hatred for feet or the annoyance of flip flops, they do my head in so much.  They are the nosiest things known to man.  Women in flip flops are bad enough for me but when you get big hairy man feet in them that just sets my creep-o-meter right off the charts.  Big hairy feet on display and separated by a toe post, boke.

I also don’t think I’m freaked out by the whole foot, maybe more by the toes.  My sister used to get those freaky socks that have the toes in them (knowing I didn’t like them) and she would chase me about the house and I would run and scream (this is when we were young and living at home, well I still consider myself young).

Of course when I made the mistake of expressing my hatred for feet in flip flops during a work conversation most of my work mates take it upon themselves to now wear the awful things into work to annoy me.  Luckily I can hear them a mile away coming up the hallway so now I can avoid them.

Am I a freak of nature? Possibly.  Do I care? No!

Adult Toilet Training (31 July 2015)

I have bit my tongue on this topic for too long, which isn't like me cos I usually just speak my mind, but this is getting ridiculous.  It's not really a topic people want to hear about and I don't particularly want to write about but it has to be done.

Adults using toilets that have apparently forgot how to use one!!  All those years of training you were given by your parents when growing up on how to actually use the loo.  It isn't rocket science now is it?  You make your 'deposit' and you FLUSH the fucking chain!!!  Holy shit like it isn't hard steps to follow.  At least a few times a week in work (where there are no children to take the blame) you see this common occurrence of someone leave their 'dsposit' (lets just call it a floater) in the loo.  I don't need to be seeing that shit (don't mind the pun). 

So this isn't a sexist post I'm actually talking about the women's loos, people always say that the men's toilets are the worst.....guys I'm telling you this now, women's loos are frigging minging!  I just dread to see how these so called adults are potty training their own kids. 

Its not even just the flushing, its the aftermath on the toilet seat (guys I know yous are the worst for that though) and the toilet roll left on the floor if someone missed the bowl.  WFT its a pretty big target, how can you miss?

That's my rant over at the minute. Think this one deserves a page to itself.

Cheeky Grins from Workmen (30 July 2015)

Like every morning I was out walking my dog.  Coming near the end of our walk I was approaching two workmen, they were in and around my age.  I was walking past a line of cars when I seen one of the guys looking over and he flashed a cheeky wee grin.  I don't get that much so I just smiled back and went on my way.  A few steps later I noticed that he was still looking over at me but when I got to the end of the row of cars I noticed that his face dropped a little.

Once I realised why this happened I actually laughed away to myself as I walked on.  It turns out that since the cars were not there to hide most of my body he was oblivious to what I was carrying.  It was a huge bag of steaming dog turd that my giant monster dog had earlier on our walk.  I found this highly amusing, but I'm gonna keep the streets clean from shite!

Questions for Celebrities (28 July 2015)

Usually I have one post per day but I thought this one deserved one of its own.

The question arose today that if I was away somewhere and walked into a pub and my favourite actor was there What would I go and as him?

Now, instead of giving the normal dizty response of 'can I have your babies?' (made myself laugh there) my automatic thinking led me down another road.

I'm in a pub I've never been to before and I can see someone that I don't know but they are the only familiar looking person to me. I would ask what I would ask my friends when I get to a new pub, 'do you know where the loo is?'.

I thought this would be a good enough question to ask. People freak out when they see famous people and it freaks me out
 Do they not get that they are normal people amd don't want to be spoken to like they are aliens. They are doing a job and yes they are very talented and their stuff is awesome to watch but I feel bad for them that the instrusion of fame is the price they pay for it.

Musical Dreams & Wasps Disguised as Bees? (28 July 2015)

Musical Dreams

 
Last night was a night of musical dreams.  I had a few chocolate covered brazil nuts late last night so they are getting the blame for this brainwave!!

My dream consisted of actors on stage, like a big stage, in front of thousands of people.  They were all singing songs from movies that they were in...here is a list of the ones I can remember (and I would love for this to happen one day)

Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter - Bill and Ted style God Gave Rock and Roll to you

The Goonies - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Lost Boys Gang - People are Strange

Hot Tub Time Machine Guys - Lets Get it Started

Seth McFarlane - As Ted - I Only Wanna be with You

The Avengers Guys - I can't remember what they were singing

Horrible Bosses Guys - How do you like me now?

Simon Pegg / Nick Frost - Dont Stop me now

There were a few others but I cant remember much else about it....I think Patrick Wilson was there. 

Of course then it jumped back to my dream of being in the pub singing on stage again with Tom Hardy. WFT?  Got to get to the bottom of this!

I wrote off to MTV to see if they could make it happen....doubt it but fingers crossed.

Wasps Disguised as Bees?

There is a bee on the ridge of the window.  It looks like it is desperately trying to get into my office.  This bee clearly has no intelligence what so ever because if he did he would definitely not want to be in here. 

After a while he looked like he had given up, so he changed his stance to make it look like he is trying to hump the ridge of the window.  Maybe he thinks this will make it open? 

Now he has climbed up the window and has been sitting there for a while.  Wonder what he’s waiting for?  Surely there is nothing of interest for him here!  Maybe is a wasp disguised as a bee and he wants to get in here to sting us all because he’s bored with his daily job?  I think it’s time for me to go home; the mindless drool that is pouring from my brain is making me sound a little crazy!

Drunken 'Factual' Conversations (27 July 2015)

On Saturday night I overheard one of my friends having a drunken conversation.  Coming from the country that I do it is commonly known for its divide due to religion.  Well anyway, within my group of friends there are different mixes of religions as we don’t care about all that nonsense so we can comment on all of our religions without any of us getting offended.

Now my friend that said this next comment says the stupidest stuff when she’s drunk and it’s always about odd things.  Her statement was that one religion had different eyes than the other.  Seriously? Where the hell did that come from?  We are all Caucasian.  How can we have different eyes? HAHA.  The shit you hear come out of some people’s mouths.

One of the last times we got together she told us a story about a guys that told her all about babies and how the gender of them is determined.  Well, to cut a long story short it ended up being that he said that only ‘real’ men could produce girls.  You do end up thinking that some people convince themselves that all this stuff is true just cos they heard it from someone that knows someone that knew someone that knows these as ‘facts’.

Hangovers in your 30s (26 July 2015)

This morning (I mean 10.40am) I woke up after getting home at 2.30am from a night of drinking at my friends house.

A great night was had, plenty of booze was consumed and I felt the effects of it this morning.  Now a hangover in your 30s is not like a hangover in your 20s. In your 20s you get up about half an hour later than normal and feel like you could get up and do it all again. Some freaky voodoo magic happens once you turn 30 and that hour of sleeping in turns into needing until at least lunch time to be able to function normally again. You wake up and it actually tastes like you have ate shit,  even if your like me and brush your teeth before bed no matter how drunk you are.

Sometimes you even wake up feeling great and think you have escaped the hangover,  this is just to lead you into a false senses of security because the moment you want to go out and do something that's when the hangover begins.  This is usually around lunchtime and will determine whether your gonna be sick or not.

Every time you wake up with one of these Hangovers you curse yourself and swear that your not drinking ever again..even if your friend asks you the next day if you want to go out at the weekend you say no!  But if she asks you two days later then somehow you have forgotten about your hangover and weekend plans are made and it goes round in one big vicious circle.

We are strange creatures in a way. We seem to enjoy pleasure pain.

Carly Rae Jepsen vs Norman Bates & Suspicious Strawberries

Carly Rae Jepsen vs Normal Bates

On my drive into work this morning 'I Really Like You' by Carly Rae Jepsen came one.  Now I have only heard this song a few times but never really listened to it, if you know what I mean.  I heard this line which frankly completely disturbed me!

Who gave you eyes like that?
Said you could keep them?


Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this?  Clearly this is not meant to mean the following thoughts that popped into my head but here we go......Who doesn't get to say if they get to keep their own eyes?  This started to lead me down the path of the possibility that she may well be a serial killer (she should read the article that I read the other day).  Why would she think she had the right to think someone shouldn't get to keep their own eyes?  Various horrible images then peered into my mind of her trying to rob someone of their eyes but it turned into a slapstick comedy in my head in the end.

 

Suspicious Strawberries

I was having strawberries this afternoon and while I was eating them I became very suspicious of one I was about to eat.  There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it but I just took a disliking to it and my brain was telling me not to eat it.  The actual phase that popped into my head as it edged towards my mouth was "You look suspicious".  I have no idea why this happened so I just threw it in the bin. 

Nothing (22 July 2015)

1.49pm

I'm at a loss.  I have not had a single random thought today.  I'm tired but that is no excuse as this usually makes me develop a lot of random thoughts.

I had a few daydreams this morning but they were more like zombie trances on the drive to work.  That scary point of the morning when you arrive at work but you cant actually remember the journey.....that's when you think to yourself..."how the fuck did I get here, did I drive?"

Liam and Jason Invade Dreams (21 July 2015)

I finally remembered my dream from the other night.  For some odd reason I was hosting an awards show.  Being from the same country and all I asked if Liam Neeson was in the audience to that we could have a chat in our own lingo. 

When he stood up he was dressed as a baked potato and even had a bit of cheese stuck to him.  When he got up and spoke no one else in the audience had a clue what we were talking about.  That was pretty much the end.  I wonder if I was hungry during the night?


I also had a weird one last night.  I was in my house and Jason from Friday 13th called at my door but when I wouldn't let him in he fell out with me and started chasing my through the house.  He was full on running!! I didn't know Jason could run??!!  Anyway, after what seemed like a lifetime of being chased my fat ass got stuck trying to climb through the window, the machete went up in the air and my alarm went off and woke me up.  I get out of these dreams just in the nick of time!

Dreams, Age, Farts & That Friggin Fence

Dreams

I have another weird dream last night but for the life of me can't remember.  I woke up this morning with a clear memory of it but by the time I got up and brushed my teeth it was gone. This is gonna do my head in all day. It's after 3pm and it still hasn't come back to me yet.

Age

I'm convinced that once you get over 30 your memory just gets worse. I find myself having to set reminders in my phone or having to take notes of things. The joys of getting old!!

F%&"$ng Fence

OMG the sun has actually come out, I'm reminded now that I still have to paint the garden fence. I bet as soon as I get home from work that it will start to pish down.

I took these when I was walking the dog in the woods at the weekend.

Farts

I made the mistake of putting onions in the hubby's dinner tonight :( 

Baby Hands & Tom Hardy the Karaoke King

Baby Hands

Was sitting in the hairdressers this morning when I heard the weirdest comment about a newborn baby "he has his dad's hands". Seriously WTF? I have heard he has his nose or eyes before but hands? Does the dad have wee T-rex arms to go with his tiny hands?

Tom Hardy the Karaoke King!

Once again my dream was rudely invaded by the man known as Tom Hardy!  Same thing as last time, up on stage at karaoke except thing time it was "Born to be Wild".  I hope this isn't some prophecy that we are destined to have a karoke competition cos if it is then I'm fucked!

 This made me laugh

Crazy Mobility Scooters, Head Invaded by Songs and Kids

16th July 2015

10.19am

Listening to a conversation in work about a TV programme that was on last night.  Appparently mobility scooters do a "dangerous" speed of 8mph HAHA.  I think this is going to be a long day.

11.32am

Doing impressions of Churchill the dog to pass time, I don't care who you are that shit is funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZToP48Mrp8

2.20pm

A song has been going round and round in my head for two days now, its really doing my head in.  That song, but I don't know who sings it "You think your cooler than me" or something like that.  It was out a few years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqWq_48LxWQ

I have also realised I'm 19 pages through my notebook and if anyone is still reading this then well done, I thought you would have given up by page 2.

There is no structure to this story, there will be no big main even, your just reading this cos your nosey (not in a bad way).  I have no interesting life, I just like to keep note of little daily things that happen, odd things that people say, crazy thoughts and random shit.  When else will you get to see that your not the only one who thinks about randomness all day??

4.10pm

50 minutes until home time!

I have been sitting here for the past two hours thinking about how cold it is in this office.  Its the middle of July FFS!!  I want to put a coat on but I'm stubbonly fighting the urge for the fact its July.

Also, I lifted weights last night for the first time in months and my legs are feeling it every time I get up.  The feeling of walking like John Wayne has been lingering all day.

Last but not least, I have a new song in my head "Kickstart My Heart" by Motley Crue    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNlT5I8R3ZU...well I did until I just remembered that this was a NEW song and I have now remembers the I have ANOTHER annoing song in my head before! GRRRRRRRRR

4.35pm

The mass debate about children has begun (this is a regular occurance).  I mentioned that a friend of mine was due at the end of this month with her first child and she is in her late 30's.

Now I'm in my early 30's and don't have any kids, don't have any urges for them yet and may never.  The debate was that she was a bit old to be starting and she would be too tired to look after the kid, should have had it earlier blah blah. This is always a sore point for some people.  I see it like she has lived her life to the full and done all the things she wanted, now she wants a child to complete the motherhood needs she has now.  Nothing wrong with that, maybe that's what will happen to me or maybe I will just have a house full of dogs :)

9.21pm

Sitting here typing this all out and now that me caught up.  The dog is lying at my feet passed out so now I'm gonna call it a day.

Fucking Fence!!, Travel, Farts, Mums, Movies & Booze

15th July 2015

11.15am

Back to work after four days off..depression will slowly start to begin to sink in.  I was supposed to write a lot of things down while I was off but I forgot because drinking got in the way :)

One shall try ones best to recap what happened.

10th July 2015

Evening

I got home and the weather was decent so back to the fence painting I went.  20 friggin minutes in and the heavens opened, but I hadn't finished the panel I had started so I stayed there until I did (cos I'm such a prick).

11th July 2015 

The sun was shining so I got out the old paintbrush again and tackled the fence.  I got one side of the garden done but then we were heading away for the weekend to the in-laws holiday cottage.

5.30pm

We were about 30 minutes into our car journey when I got a whiff of what I thought smelled like a sewer.  So I said to my hubby "OMG do you smell that? Its rotten!"  When I turned to look at him he was just sitting there laughing, so proud of himself.  "It doesn't smell bad, does it?" he asked.  "Smells like shite" I told him but he was still finding this hysterical.  Men are friggin weird.

The drive is about two hours of endless road but we eventually got there.  We unpacked our things and took our dog and the in-laws dog for a walk.  This was their first time meeting, it went great.

We sat with the in-laws for the next 5-6 hours drinking, for too much as usual.  We didn't get out of bed the next morning until near 11am.

12th July 2015

Got up and had breakfast after getting a bit of fresh air.  The hubby felt so hungover that he went back to bed without eating.  Once I had my breakfast I joined him cos I wasn't gonna turn down the opportunity to take a nap.  We didn't get out of bed until 2pm.

We went out to start tackling the garden (after the trouble I'm having getting my own finished the last thing I wanted to do was garden).  We didn't get too far before the strimmer broke and he had to head to the next town to get a new part from the hardware shop.  By the end of the day we got the front garden finished, which doesn't sound like much but if you seen the state of it even you would be proud.

Got dinner and started drinking again, what else are holidays for? Didn't last quite as long as the night before but it was still a good laugh.  My mother in law faded on the sofa early as usual then took herself off to bed.  Me and the hubby were the last ones up until I passed out with tiredness.  Time for bed!

13th July

Got up, lay about the house for a bit, ate, packed our bags and then started off for home.  We got about 3 miles down the road before we stopped and took the dog out for a few miles and then on our way again.  By the time we got near home the band parade for the holidays was taking up the whole main road, needless to say we were stuck in traffic for a while.

When we got home we were looking forward to a quiet night in front of the TV but ended up drinking as well. We watched Ted 2, it was very funny, you just have to love that bear.

14th July 2015

Start the day with a sausage soda with fried onions...yum friggin yum!!! 

Had to go do the dreaded grocery shopping and needed some stuff for the garden.  Im looking forward to winter so I don't have to go near my garden, frig it will be winter before I get it finished at this rate.

The hubby did some stuff to the garden when we got home while I tried to hoover out my car boot since the huge white monster that is our dog seem to shed every hair he had while he was in there yesterday, it looked like someone had murdered a sheep.

This hard work didn't last long before we decided to bugger off to the cinema to see the new Terminator movie.  Cheesy but quite entertaining.

Came home with great intentions of finishing cleaning the boot of the car but instad I'm just driving around with the hoover in the boot.

Think that all the catch up we need.  So back to today.....

15th July 2015

3.58pm

So far its shit.  The car park is half empty cos everyone is off on holidays.  Roll on 5pm til I get my ass home.

4.23pm

My mum rang  me earlier to ask if I would pop over some night to do some stuff for my dad.  I told her I would be over that way on Friday cos I'm off work and I had an appointment over near her house.  I told her I would be short for time cos I had plans.

The moment those words passed my lips I knew what was coming.  Mums do not have the ability to resist investigating your life outside your relationship with them.  So I brand her nuts!
"What's your plans?" she asked
"I'm just meeting up with a friend"
"What friend?"
"No one you know mum"
"What friend is it?"
"Mum, you don't know them so there's no point even telling you" (I knew this would be driving her mad and of course mum being mum this was not a hint for her to give up.  In face she tried the guessing game next)
"Is it that friend that owns the shop?"
"No mum it isn't"
"I think it is, I'm going to go down there and introduce myself to her"
"Go ahead mum, knock youself out"
This was probably the highlight of her day.  Some of my friends refer to her as a detective or FBI cos she grills everyone until she has information she can collect and pass on.

Turns out my friend cant even make it on Friday as she has to go to a funeral.

8.59pm

I was heading home from a walk with the dog when I seen an aul doll wearing a bright orange skirt, not that I don't mind retro colours, but you could clearly see right though it and notice that she was wearing a thong.  It's not what I wanted to see anyway, especially not on an aul person.  My evening was disturbed from that moment.

Clowns, Brownies, Flashers & Tom Hardy at Karaoke

10th July 2015

10.26am

Either I had too much cheese last night or it was the popcorn I burned (I never thought that was possible) or it was the paint fumes while painting the garden fence in the rain.....no I'm not thick, I was just too stubborn to let the rain stop me.....but anyway I had a really messed up dream.

I was driving along in a car with a guy I know, but it wasn't really them cos he didn't have a face.  We seen someone we both knew go into a house so naturally we stopped and followed them in.  We looked round the place but they were nowhere to be seen so we turned on our heels and went to leave.

There was a knock at the door.  The guy I knew answered and three clowns were there (obviously they all look evil).  So they lifted the guy, took him halfway up the stairs and sat on him!  That was kind of all they did, so I left him there and went back to the car where I noticed that some asshole had blocked me in.....it was the clown car!!  That's when I woke up from my dream a bit pissed off.

Back into work and hoping to get away a bit earlier cos its the holidays this weekend, no doubt we will be here until 4 thought.  Suppose I may get something done!!

My computer just timed out so I've been daydreaming about my clown dream for 15 minutes.

11.38am

Another of my dreams from during the week popped into my head.  I was in a bar (lucky me) and I got up to sing karaoke (unlucky people in the bar) and on stage with me was Tom Hardy of all people.  We sang "Alright Now" by Free.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siMFORx8uO8  Random song for a random situation.  I was surprised to find he was a good singer and I can't sing a note, but it doesn't stop me.  The girls in the audience were drooling at his feet, good looking guy no doubt, they all wanted his babies HAHA.  Then I woke up....but I assume that my karaoke entertainment won that night....and I wont hear otherwise.

11.52am

I yawned and pulled a muscle in my jaw.  Who does that?

12.06pm

I have endless amount of plastic cuttlery in my drawer except what I need, which is a fork.  Looks like I'm eating my salad with a spoon.

2.36pm

Still no sign of us going home yet.  I hope its not too much longer.  I have a fence to finish painting.  No doubt the rain from last night will have washed all of my hard work away.  Suppose that's what I get from being stubborn.

The excitement of my day so far has been that someone in another office made chocolate brownies and was handing them out.  My biggest weakness is brownies.  As I eyed up my strawberries and I swore I wasn't going to touch a brownie I began to eat them.  I proudly ate two strawberries and was patting myself on the back for not giving into temptation,  I lasted 5 minutes before I burst into the other office demanding to know where these so called brownies where....and it was delicious :)

After all that excitement we have just been told to go home at 3.30.  45 minutes to go!

3.12pm

OMG this is taking forever.  I want to go home already.

Thought of starting a blog have entered my head, would anyone ever read it?  Would I want them to?  All I write is shite anyway so if someone did read it then it will be on their head!

On the plus side, there is a bit of sunshine today :)

7.56pm

I was walking the dog around the rugby pitch when a guy appeared out from the bushes at the road side, whipped out his 'bits' as if he was gonna go for a piss.  He clearly didn't have a clue anyone was there cos when he saw me he shat himself and ran away.

8 July 2015 (Work & Aggrivation)

 8th July 2015

11.55am

I'm sitting in work glaring out the window into the car park trying to desperately daydream and all that keeps going through my head is "what am I still doing here".  8 years I have been in the same place gocking at the computer day in and day out.  There has to be something else....

I've decided to take it upon myself to write in this book (and type it onto a blog) to relieve all of these fuzzy feelings which might actually entertain someone one day.....if anyone ever reads it.

I have my blinds in work closed down and only a tiny strip of light is getting in, makes it hard to spy on people in the car park at lunch time running about like headless chickens trying to remember where their cars are.  It's the same people all the time, you think they'd learn for frig sake.

The language in here isn't going to be all clouds and kittens.

1.39pm

Have had my lunch and been for a walk to get out of this dreary office.  I wish it was time to go home.  This is the part of the day where the clock watching starts.  I'm always busy but sometimes I become concerned that the clock doesn't actually move and someone is taking the piss.

I know what your thinking....does she actually work or just write stuff in here? The thought of work is just far too depressing and watching the wind blow the trees is my entertainment for the next five minutes or so.  My work gets done but I need a distraction.

I'm not depressed, it's just hard to make your own fun in this place, everyone always looks so glum all of the time.  I used to make my own fun by scaring people most days but I said I would quit doing that for a year.  I thought it would have lasted a week so I'm exceptionally impressed with myself that I have lasted this long.  Who would have thought that I have the will power to fight every natural urge in my body to prank someone?

2.16pm

Back again so soon.  I'm ignoring the urge to look at facebook on my phone.  Its one of those stupid addictions, like smoking.  I know cos I used to smoke.  You get so used to fiddling with something in your hands that you have to get your daily fix about 10 times a day,  I fight the urge for facebook right now but I know its just shite.  I don't need a photo of what your just about to eat.  I don't even know why I read these things cos the whole site is full of shite, that's including my posts too.  I do like the weather page, it gives me a small glimmer of hope everyday that the sun might come out, it usually just lets me down.

Ever since this morning, since I heard the song on the radio I cant stop imagining Ted singing karaoke, I'm talking about Ted the bear from the movie, singing "I only want to be with you" (i think that's what its called).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjmuRjUMkbA


Great, the rain is on as usual, so much for getting my garden fence painted tonight.

2.45pm

I just drank so much watch I can hear it in my belly!

3.20pm

The aggravating feeling when someone comes into your office for a document that you know doesn't exist but they think it does and they make you look for it anyway.  Grrrrrrr.  But the great pleasure you feel when you get to reveal the news that you were right and it doesn't exist......COFFEE TIME!!!!

Introduction

Intro

I'm starting this because on a daily basis I have quite a lot of thoughts, as I'm sure we all do.  As I sometimes think of mine as quite random its nice to know that I'm not the only strangeling out there.

I'm no talented writer, I just write what I know.  So here goes a (possibly daily) account of my thoughts, a diary if you will.

I'm in my 30's and I'm from Ireland.  Some phrases you may know, some you wont.  If you get stuck just leave a comment :p

Please feel free to leave comments or ask questions :)