When I Grow Up I Want to be...... (21 August 2015)

For a lot of people life is a given.  Most people know what it is they want to do with their lives.  The rest of us just sit and daydream throughout our day wondering what is it we are supposed to do.


For me, I have no clue, I'm a dabbler.  My skills have a more arty range but I'm not an expert in any other them.  Examples:  I started learning the piano at 7 and I took to it really well, like most musical instrument that you set in front of me I pick it up pretty quick.  Between the age of 7 and 15 I had learned the piano, cornet, flute, tuba and the drums, all of which I don't play anymore but could if I wanted. 

Another example is art, I'm more of a sketcher and like drawing cartoons.  In high school this did not go down well with me art teacher, he thought cartoons were a waste of time.  Needless to say we got into an argument which resulted in me storming out of his class (never to return) shouting 'do you know who the fuck Walt Disney is?'. 

Example number 3 is photography, I love taking pictures and I have millions of them, especially of my dogs.  I take pictures everywhere I go (I'm one of those annoying people).  I studied photography for 3 years as part of a media course but again I never went any further with it. 

My final example is writing and as you can see I'm not very good at it but its something that helps be de-stress and one day I would like to took back at my stories and remember what was going on in my head at the age I am.  Girls, have you ever read back through an old diary and thought 'what the fuck was I thinking?', thought so.

I think back to when I was a kid and the teacher used to make you write a story of what you wanted to be one day.  I think when I was a kid I wasn't sure then either, I had a multitude of options that went through my tiny head.  The first one I remember was I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals, but I couldn't do that now because the thought of stitching an animal up or it dying on my operating table would be kill me. 

Option number two I think was a cowboy, I was a kid so I have no explanation.  I do have a horse and ride about like a cowboy so I guess I fulfilled that one.

Option 3 was a soldier, I was a crack shot with a gun (not a real one obviously).  I could hit any target moving or stationary.  I did join the army cadets for a while but it turns out I have huge problem with authority figures that are complete assholes and kept keep myself from confronting them ( I still have this problem today).  My natural instinct to stand up for myself and be bold would keep me out of the army.

So here I am, stuck in this job where I am unhappy and never stop complaining about but the people are nice, that's the only thing keeping me here for now.  What do I think I want to be now?  None of these are related in anyway but here we go....A rally driver sounds good to me, I love to fly about in a fast car.  A stand up comedian, but an improve one, my comedy only comes from those who are around me.  I've been told I'm a cross between Amy Schumer and Jack Dee, a bit of an odd combo but what can you do.  If I got paid to travel I would happily do that too, I love to travel as much as possible to see all the beautiful places that aren't exactly Ireland.  Or if a wine tasting job was going.....



How can I know what I want to be when it never actually feels like I have grown up?

Hate Your Job? (6th August 2015)

Are you like me and stuck in a job you don’t really like?  Do you sit and daydream in work about a better work life? 

Everyone always tells me I’m completely wasted in my job, I sit and balance figures all day and it’s the worst possible thing I could be doing.  What don’t you just get another job you say?  Well because of the recession there aren’t really that many jobs out there.  The jobs that I would like to take don’t have any vacancies anymore and as far as the ‘entry’ requirement go they keep moving the goal posts.

For example.....I remember when I left school and you wanted to be a bin man you didn’t need any qualifications.  Now when you look to be a bin man you pretty much need a degree and 2 years experience.  How do you get experience at a job if you need 2 years experience to actually get to do it in the first place? It makes no sense.

I once had my dream job, well maybe not dream job but I loved it.  I used to work in an animal sanctuary and then moved onto a boarding kennels.  I got to hang out with loads of dogs every day and that was just heaven.  I just love dogs; they are probably the best buddies I have.

I have a media background, I love to write, animate, take photos, play piano, drums and draw so being stuck in 4 walls all day really drives me nuts.  I would love to become famous one day; it’s not what you’re thinking because everyone wants to become famous.  I would like to be famous so that I could help animals in need and what better way is there to raise awareness than have a famous person do it?  The whole ‘fame’ life doesn’t appeal to me one bit, I’m a bit of a loner and like it that way but I would do anything for the sake of animals in need.  Maybe one day, although I’m doing nothing to make it happen.

8 July 2015 (Work & Aggrivation)

 8th July 2015

11.55am

I'm sitting in work glaring out the window into the car park trying to desperately daydream and all that keeps going through my head is "what am I still doing here".  8 years I have been in the same place gocking at the computer day in and day out.  There has to be something else....

I've decided to take it upon myself to write in this book (and type it onto a blog) to relieve all of these fuzzy feelings which might actually entertain someone one day.....if anyone ever reads it.

I have my blinds in work closed down and only a tiny strip of light is getting in, makes it hard to spy on people in the car park at lunch time running about like headless chickens trying to remember where their cars are.  It's the same people all the time, you think they'd learn for frig sake.

The language in here isn't going to be all clouds and kittens.

1.39pm

Have had my lunch and been for a walk to get out of this dreary office.  I wish it was time to go home.  This is the part of the day where the clock watching starts.  I'm always busy but sometimes I become concerned that the clock doesn't actually move and someone is taking the piss.

I know what your thinking....does she actually work or just write stuff in here? The thought of work is just far too depressing and watching the wind blow the trees is my entertainment for the next five minutes or so.  My work gets done but I need a distraction.

I'm not depressed, it's just hard to make your own fun in this place, everyone always looks so glum all of the time.  I used to make my own fun by scaring people most days but I said I would quit doing that for a year.  I thought it would have lasted a week so I'm exceptionally impressed with myself that I have lasted this long.  Who would have thought that I have the will power to fight every natural urge in my body to prank someone?

2.16pm

Back again so soon.  I'm ignoring the urge to look at facebook on my phone.  Its one of those stupid addictions, like smoking.  I know cos I used to smoke.  You get so used to fiddling with something in your hands that you have to get your daily fix about 10 times a day,  I fight the urge for facebook right now but I know its just shite.  I don't need a photo of what your just about to eat.  I don't even know why I read these things cos the whole site is full of shite, that's including my posts too.  I do like the weather page, it gives me a small glimmer of hope everyday that the sun might come out, it usually just lets me down.

Ever since this morning, since I heard the song on the radio I cant stop imagining Ted singing karaoke, I'm talking about Ted the bear from the movie, singing "I only want to be with you" (i think that's what its called).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjmuRjUMkbA


Great, the rain is on as usual, so much for getting my garden fence painted tonight.

2.45pm

I just drank so much watch I can hear it in my belly!

3.20pm

The aggravating feeling when someone comes into your office for a document that you know doesn't exist but they think it does and they make you look for it anyway.  Grrrrrrr.  But the great pleasure you feel when you get to reveal the news that you were right and it doesn't exist......COFFEE TIME!!!!