If I Knew Then What I Know Now........

Do you ever wonder to yourself that if you were still a teenager and you knew what you know now would you go back and do it all again? 

 

There has been many a night where I have pondered over this and thought of all the decisions I made that I could change.  All of those mistakes I made, all of the reckless things I did and all of the wrong people I trusted.  Then I think about school and how well I would have done if I knew everything I know now.  In fact I probably knew more academic information in school that I know now anyway, once you get out of the way of thinking about algebra and punctuation you can’t remember half of it anyway. 

 

So, would I go back and change it all?

 

Would you?

 

All the tough times I had, the good and bad friends, the life lessons, the loss of family and friends, the ups and downs, I don’t think I would trade it in.  All of these events led me to be the person I am today and I’m very comfortable being me.  I was lucky enough as a child not to get bullied because I could stand up for myself so no one bothered me; I’ve been pretty independent from a young age.  I learned early how to deal with loss and that you have to live life to the fullest. 

 

Don’t let anyone drag you down because it’s more than likely they are just jealous of your life. 

 

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something; if you want to do it then do it. 

 

Don’t follow the crowd, do what you want to do and be who you want to be no matter what anyone else thinks, everyone is different. 

 

Express your weirdness because it always entertains someone and it lets you explore your creative side. 

 

Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion, you never know how important it might end up being. 

 

Don’t get married and settle down too young, its more than likely that your wants and needs will change as you get older so be wary of that!

 

Don’t take life too seriously and let all the big things worry you, take it step by step and day by day.  As you get older the big worries become little ones and you’ll wonder why you wasted so much effort being worried in the first place.

 

Don’t get intimidated of people in high places, we all came into this world the same way and no one person is better than another.  Treat everyone as your equal and they will treat you the same.

 

Laugh!  Laugh as much as you can at life because if you don’t you will cry!

 

Most importantly, don’t just do these things because I’m telling you to either!!!

 

Let yourself go through the motions of life but don’t let that be all there is.  If someone had of told me all of this when I was young I might have turned out a little different, who knows?  One thing my parents always told me when I went to do anything in life was ‘Just do your best, that’s all you can do’.  That’s words of wisdom from the two biggest weirdo’s’ I know, but they are the best.

Lies Your Parents Told You

Growing up I was always encouraged by my parent not to lie.  All kids’ lie a little bit or exaggerates the truth with their imaginations (kind of like what men still do today).  The one thing a kid never expects is for their parents to lie to them.  The lies my parents told me were far worse than any lie I ever told them.  For example, my lies where more disguisers of the truth, me not telling them I was out on the street at 13 years old pissed off my face was not knowledge that they needed to know.  Their lies on the other hand pretty much scarred me for life.

 

The biggest and most treacherous of lies was the myth of Santa Clause.  To this day I have never forgiven them for this one.  This lie presented me with three different feelings;

Happiness – there was a jolly man who came to visit the house once a year and dished out free toys to all of the good kids.

1. 

Fear – there was a big fat man who broke into my house every year and ate all of my cookies and drunk all of my milk.

Having a conscience about things I did – I was always told that only well behave kids got toys and all of the bad ones on the ‘naughty list’ were given a lump of coal.  I seemed to be on the naught list a lot during the year because I was a very stubborn kid and always loved an argument.  Mum and dad obviously saw that presenting me with a lump of coal for Christmas might not startle me too much so they went in with the big guns for their next threat.  All bad children will have to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve....they got me, they got me good!

 

There was nothing I hated more in my life than going to church, never mind having to go so late at night at the age I was.  I fell asleep all of the time and mum had to keep waking me, surely this was as much of a punishment for her as it was for me? 

 

The year I found out that there was no Santa I was about 8 and we were playing hide and go seek.  I went to hide in my parent’s wardrobe and there were all my presents. 

 

The next lie was the monsters in the closet.  Most kids are scared of monsters in their closets but it was never really something we were scared of as kids, my sister and I shared a room so we always had each other.  As we shared a room we were always up and about and one way dad would get us back into bed was by telling us there was a monster in the closet that would come for us if we weren’t sleeping.  Needless to say we pretty much shit out pants with the thought of that, our dad was warning his precious daughters of this awful monster and how to avoid it. 

 

Around this age my dad let us watch a lot of horror movies.  I remember we were very young when we watched A Nightmare on Elm Street; we rented the VHS from the movie shop.  When we needed a bathroom break during the film dad would pause it and my sister and I would run up the stairs to the loo.  Dad being dad he would shout up after us ‘Watch out Freddy doesn’t get you’.  Naturally we then would call mum up to the top of the stairs so that she could watch out for Freddy in case he did come for us.

 

When I realised there were no real monsters a while later I used this to my advantage.  One night dad let us watch Poltergeist (I really have to question his parenting skills) and my sister was terrified of the clown so I used this on her one night.  We went to bed and she was most likely bulling me so I told her I seen the clown under her bed.  Scared as anything she jumped into her bed and hid under the covers but she is older and should know better so I take no responsibility for this.  For a long time after telling her this she would always take a run and jump into bed in case the clown got her.  I also told her that Jaws lived under her bed and she believed that too (she won’t admit that now).

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Comes First? The Dog or the Kid? (21 August 2015)

As I have discussed before, I don’t have kids and I have no urge yet in my life to have them.  I’m a 32 year big child that just loves her doggies (is it bad that I almost wrote dogging there? HAHA). 

 

I’m always ask (I think they do it to annoy me) that IF I have a child what I’m going to do with my dog?  Now I don’t know what planet these people live on but to me my dog is like my child.  I do everything with him, feed him, walk him, play with him and tuck him in a night.  I’m not one of those over the top ones that dresses him up; he’s so big my clothes would fit him for goodness sake.  I did dress up my old boxer one year for Halloween and put a few hoodies on her but she loved it.

 

Anyway back to the story.  After much questioning of ‘What do you mean? What would I do with him?’.  He wouldn’t be treated any differently; he was there first so nothing would change for him.  So once we moved passed that part the next question they ask is ‘What would you do if the dog didn’t like the baby, would you make him live outside or put him in a cage?’

 

You can guess my answer ‘Fuck No!’

 

The next part of the answer is always my favourite because the expression on some people’s faces is just far too funny (this is a joke by the way; I’m not that much of a hard nut).

 

Would I put the dog in a cage? ‘No!  If the baby and the dog didn’t get on then the baby and its mosses basket can go into a cage in the kitchen’.  After the horror comes over their face I continue.  ‘That will be handy too because if the baby cries then I can just cover the cage up with a blanket just like my sister does with her parrot when he gets really noisy’. 

 

People in work have now realised that I’m joking when I say these things and they laugh, but the first few times of giving my answer had them questioning my mentality for a while I think.  You could see the wheels turning in their heads trying to figure it all out.  Little amuses the innocent!

 

Baby Ages (4 August 2015)

This might seem like the stupidest topic but it does my head in so much.  Working in an office there is a lot of women that work here, women with babies, toddlers and young kids.  When it comes to their kids birthdays they refrain from saying that they are 2 years old, instead they say they are 24 months.

What the actual fuck? Your kid is 2!!!!!  Just say its 2!!!!!!!

When it comes to a milestone in the kids life like first word, first step etc by all means tell it in months, but not when it comes to birthday cos you just sound daft.

I'm not a parent and I can see alot of these women don't want their kids to grow up but putting yourself in denial about their age isn't helping matters!

Over reaction? Fuck it, who cares :)

Baby Hands & Tom Hardy the Karaoke King

Baby Hands

Was sitting in the hairdressers this morning when I heard the weirdest comment about a newborn baby "he has his dad's hands". Seriously WTF? I have heard he has his nose or eyes before but hands? Does the dad have wee T-rex arms to go with his tiny hands?

Tom Hardy the Karaoke King!

Once again my dream was rudely invaded by the man known as Tom Hardy!  Same thing as last time, up on stage at karaoke except thing time it was "Born to be Wild".  I hope this isn't some prophecy that we are destined to have a karoke competition cos if it is then I'm fucked!

 This made me laugh

Crazy Mobility Scooters, Head Invaded by Songs and Kids

16th July 2015

10.19am

Listening to a conversation in work about a TV programme that was on last night.  Appparently mobility scooters do a "dangerous" speed of 8mph HAHA.  I think this is going to be a long day.

11.32am

Doing impressions of Churchill the dog to pass time, I don't care who you are that shit is funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZToP48Mrp8

2.20pm

A song has been going round and round in my head for two days now, its really doing my head in.  That song, but I don't know who sings it "You think your cooler than me" or something like that.  It was out a few years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqWq_48LxWQ

I have also realised I'm 19 pages through my notebook and if anyone is still reading this then well done, I thought you would have given up by page 2.

There is no structure to this story, there will be no big main even, your just reading this cos your nosey (not in a bad way).  I have no interesting life, I just like to keep note of little daily things that happen, odd things that people say, crazy thoughts and random shit.  When else will you get to see that your not the only one who thinks about randomness all day??

4.10pm

50 minutes until home time!

I have been sitting here for the past two hours thinking about how cold it is in this office.  Its the middle of July FFS!!  I want to put a coat on but I'm stubbonly fighting the urge for the fact its July.

Also, I lifted weights last night for the first time in months and my legs are feeling it every time I get up.  The feeling of walking like John Wayne has been lingering all day.

Last but not least, I have a new song in my head "Kickstart My Heart" by Motley Crue    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNlT5I8R3ZU...well I did until I just remembered that this was a NEW song and I have now remembers the I have ANOTHER annoing song in my head before! GRRRRRRRRR

4.35pm

The mass debate about children has begun (this is a regular occurance).  I mentioned that a friend of mine was due at the end of this month with her first child and she is in her late 30's.

Now I'm in my early 30's and don't have any kids, don't have any urges for them yet and may never.  The debate was that she was a bit old to be starting and she would be too tired to look after the kid, should have had it earlier blah blah. This is always a sore point for some people.  I see it like she has lived her life to the full and done all the things she wanted, now she wants a child to complete the motherhood needs she has now.  Nothing wrong with that, maybe that's what will happen to me or maybe I will just have a house full of dogs :)

9.21pm

Sitting here typing this all out and now that me caught up.  The dog is lying at my feet passed out so now I'm gonna call it a day.