Backstabbing & Endearing Curse Words

It’s terrible that this day in age it’s hard to find people that you can trust.  Working in an office environment you can see so easily how conversations turn into Chinese whispers and the backstabbing commences.  I never understood the whole backstabbing attraction; just have the balls to tell someone what you think instead of being a chicken shit and telling someone else about it.  I would rather someone be honest with me to my face and hurt my feelings rather than tell everyone else about it and me be none the wiser. 

 

I normally see this type of behaviour in girls and it forms ‘clicks’ which is pretty pathetic.  I’m sure backstabbing is going on behind my back and I really don’t care if it is or not, it doesn’t phase me in the slightest because if they are talking about me then they are leaving some other poor sap alone.  I try to stand up for people I see it happening to and if see someone trying to subtly pick on them and I see them struggling then I just stand up and say back off or stop them with a sarcastic remark.  More than likely I just tell them to shut the fuck up.

 

A friend sent me an image (below) last week that got me thinking about this and I think it’s true.

 

 

 

 

 

Now we don’t sit and curse all day but when we do we make it fun and come off with the most childish things to say to put the day in.  I do find that the more people curse within their conversations with me are the people I trust the most in my life.  My poor friends get some sarcastic abuse from me but it’s the way we are with each other.  I don’t know if it’s a Northern Irish thing or what it is.  Does everyone else do this?

If I Knew Then What I Know Now........

Do you ever wonder to yourself that if you were still a teenager and you knew what you know now would you go back and do it all again? 

 

There has been many a night where I have pondered over this and thought of all the decisions I made that I could change.  All of those mistakes I made, all of the reckless things I did and all of the wrong people I trusted.  Then I think about school and how well I would have done if I knew everything I know now.  In fact I probably knew more academic information in school that I know now anyway, once you get out of the way of thinking about algebra and punctuation you can’t remember half of it anyway. 

 

So, would I go back and change it all?

 

Would you?

 

All the tough times I had, the good and bad friends, the life lessons, the loss of family and friends, the ups and downs, I don’t think I would trade it in.  All of these events led me to be the person I am today and I’m very comfortable being me.  I was lucky enough as a child not to get bullied because I could stand up for myself so no one bothered me; I’ve been pretty independent from a young age.  I learned early how to deal with loss and that you have to live life to the fullest. 

 

Don’t let anyone drag you down because it’s more than likely they are just jealous of your life. 

 

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something; if you want to do it then do it. 

 

Don’t follow the crowd, do what you want to do and be who you want to be no matter what anyone else thinks, everyone is different. 

 

Express your weirdness because it always entertains someone and it lets you explore your creative side. 

 

Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion, you never know how important it might end up being. 

 

Don’t get married and settle down too young, its more than likely that your wants and needs will change as you get older so be wary of that!

 

Don’t take life too seriously and let all the big things worry you, take it step by step and day by day.  As you get older the big worries become little ones and you’ll wonder why you wasted so much effort being worried in the first place.

 

Don’t get intimidated of people in high places, we all came into this world the same way and no one person is better than another.  Treat everyone as your equal and they will treat you the same.

 

Laugh!  Laugh as much as you can at life because if you don’t you will cry!

 

Most importantly, don’t just do these things because I’m telling you to either!!!

 

Let yourself go through the motions of life but don’t let that be all there is.  If someone had of told me all of this when I was young I might have turned out a little different, who knows?  One thing my parents always told me when I went to do anything in life was ‘Just do your best, that’s all you can do’.  That’s words of wisdom from the two biggest weirdo’s’ I know, but they are the best.

Funny Gets Fanny

Recently I went to see our local brilliant comedian Paddy Kielty and he said something that I thought was absolutely brilliant.  He said ‘funny gets fanny’.  No truer word has ever been spoken, well in my opinion anyway.

 

I thought back to anyone I had ever went out with and you know what, they were all funny guys, not bad to look at too mind you.  There must be something built into us girls (yes I’m 32 and still call myself a girl!) where we automatically find a guy more attractive because he make us laugh and rightly so.  You don’t want to spend the rest of your days with a muscle man with a tan if he’s gonna basically bore the tits off you now are you? 

 

Men like that are all good and well to look at (we are all allowed to have a wee look) but you don’t want to be stuck in a room with them for too long.  I’m not saying all muscle guys are boring, I’m just using it as an example. 

 

There is something about a guy that is funny and not afraid to make a complete twat out of himself in front of everyone.  It just shows the world that he just doesn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about him and to me that is a great weird masculine way to show off. 

 

So, then I asked myself if it works the other way around?  Do men like funny women?  Some guys I know think that women actually aren’t funny.  I beg to differ because I myself am hilarious, well I think so.  A lot of girls from my generation are scared to try and be funny in case it puts guys off.  They think they will look stupid and goofy or they will seem too outspoken and dominant.....daft. 

 

Men are strange creatures anyway but ladies if you are lucky enough to bag yourself a funny one then you are on to a winner!

 

What do you think?

Joggers and Sex Faces (21 August 2015)

Since the summer is here (don’t know if that’s what you could call it in Ireland) there have been a lot of joggers out and about.  I mainly notice them when I’m out walking the dog and the most awful thing happened to me a few weeks ago when I was out. 

 

I’m normally a very observant person; I notice the strangest things that most people would never even think about in their lives.  Anyway, a jogger passed me and he was one of those joggers that runs with his tongue.  In other words he had to stick his tongue out slightly to concentrate, like those weird drivers that need to ‘use’ their tongue when they are parallel parking.  The thought had never occurred to me before but it did today, the first thought that popped into my head is ‘I wonder if that is his sex face?’ 

 

There was so much concentration on his wee face and he was out of puff and it all just blended into this one disturbing thought.  Then I felt bad for his wife if it was his sex face because she must piss herself laughing if it is.  Now guys you might be all sexy and all beforehand but during sex there is usually a reason why we close our eye.  Many women may not have even noticed this yet but you will now.  I think if you naturally close your eyes then it is your subconscious telling you not to look or your gonna laugh.

Cracking During an Argument (14 August 2015)

I know I’m not the only one that does this although I have never had it done on me, probably because if someone did it to me I would just verbally crush them because I think too quick on my feet. 

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and your just thinking in your head ‘just shut the fuck up’.  You know this person is so full of shit but yet you stand there and bite your tongue.  Or the other person this could be is someone that you always have to walk around on eggshells with but they are quite an obnoxious person that is quite bossy.

You listen and listen biting your tongue as you go and you’re secretly patting yourself on the back for listening to this shit.  The conversation ends and you turn to walk away free as a bird from this nonsense and you have done so well to control yourself.......then......that voice in your head just says ‘fuck it, let them have it’. 

Uncontrollably you turn back to the person and the conversation always starts with you saying ‘actually, you know what.......’ and you lay into them calling them on all of the shit that they just blurted out of their mouth.  You have no idea what is coming out of your mouth at the time but by the look on their face it’s the last time that they ever spew shit in your direction.

Just me?  Nah I didn’t think so.

Nothing is Forever (4 August 2015)

I’m going to talk about marriage.  Now this is going to sound like a huge contradiction but I totally believe in my views.

I’m married, I haven’t been married very long but all the same I did it.  Now, I have never been fussed on marriage and I never seen the point in it.  My hubby is quite traditional and really wanted to get married so for a long time before he proposed we discussed and discussed it.  Marriage means something to him and meant nothing to me so he put forward the argument of ‘if it didn’t matter to me then what harm could it do?’ so I give in and did it.

I didn’t want a big wedding; in fact I wanted it to just be me and him.  Of course he wanted to do it the traditional way so I just give in to that too (don’t worry I’m no soft touch, it just didn’t really matter). 

Anyway, my whole point of this is what is the point in marriage?  I realised a long time ago that nothing is forever.  Don’t get me wrong I love my hubby but I was also with the wrong person for a very long time before him too.  At that point in my life that person was the right person for me at that time.  Just like now my hubby is the right person for me now.

Will he still be right for me in 10 years time? Who knows? I hope so but as you change with age you just never know what is coming.  I would obviously be upset if we broke up but if it’s the right thing to do you just have to do it.  I would rather be on my own and happy than be with someone that makes me miserable.  You obviously do all you can to mend a relationship but something’s in life just cant be fixed no matter how hard you try.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just life.

Cats with Thumbs (4 August 2015)

Odd thoughts filled my mind last night, within a few seconds I had a whole weird scenario going on.

 We were walking home with the dog when he seen a cat and naturally wanted to chase it.  The car dived under a fence and when our dog went running up to it all we heard was a loud hiss, seen the claws come up from under the fence and then our poor big beast of a man got scared and ran away.

Now for the next whole minute walking which took us to our front door all I did was laugh at this.  Why?  Cos I’m weird.  Not only was this quite funny in itself that our huge dog got terrified of a wee cat but then the Cravendale advert (anyone from the UK will know this one) popped into my head.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHTXkaWA5q8

I had visions that all the cats from round our way would be at our front door waiting for him, cats with thumbs HAHA.  There would be one ring leader on his hind legs leaning against our wall just clicking his fingers and he was wearing a biker’s hat.  Then of course when I seen that I automatically imagined the rest dressed like the YMCA guys and off they went on their dance.  Sometimes I feel sorry for my poor hubby cos I was just laughing all the way home like some mental case.

Laughing is my all time favourite thing to do so I do it often J

Baby Ages (4 August 2015)

This might seem like the stupidest topic but it does my head in so much.  Working in an office there is a lot of women that work here, women with babies, toddlers and young kids.  When it comes to their kids birthdays they refrain from saying that they are 2 years old, instead they say they are 24 months.

What the actual fuck? Your kid is 2!!!!!  Just say its 2!!!!!!!

When it comes to a milestone in the kids life like first word, first step etc by all means tell it in months, but not when it comes to birthday cos you just sound daft.

I'm not a parent and I can see alot of these women don't want their kids to grow up but putting yourself in denial about their age isn't helping matters!

Over reaction? Fuck it, who cares :)

Annoying Eaters (3 August 2015)

Like my previous blog on Adult Toilet Training this one is pretty similar as far as aggravation levels go!

What’s more annoying than sitting in your office trying your best to work away and someone in the room is eating and making so much noise while doing it that you want to get that bit of food and just ram it clear down their throat?  A bit over the top?  I don’t think so!

Now there are a few different types of annoyance while other people are eating.  As I began above there is the ‘noise maker’.  These people chew and chew but breath so heavily through their nose that it is just so distracting.  There are numerous time I have come across people like this and it just winds me up so much.

On the other end of the scale there is the opened mouth eater.  To all of you that do this, I’m sorry but your fucking minging!  Holy shit like how hard is it to close your mouth? I don’t give a flying fuck how you eat at home but when you’re around people keep it closed!  I don’t need to see your burger being chomped around the front of your teeth thanks all the same.

I shouldn’t be looking you say?  Well now I wouldn’t be looking if old chomper wasn’t making so much fucking noise while smacking their lips together.  I’m only looking because I like to look someone in the eye before I beat seven shades of shit out of them (it may all just be a daydream in my head but I like a bit of eye contact all the same).

Now don’t start pinning me down as a gurney shits, well I am one a little, but it’s all just in good fun J

Feet Freaks (3 August 2015)

This is not a phobia but I’m sure you will decide its close enough to one as you read on. 

Feet!  The more you even look at the way it’s spelt the odder it becomes.  Just me? Probably!  I hate feet, I don’t mind when they are in shoes that are completely covered but I hate when they are on display out and about.  Don’t ask me why cos I don’t really know.

I’m not sure if it’s my hatred for feet or the annoyance of flip flops, they do my head in so much.  They are the nosiest things known to man.  Women in flip flops are bad enough for me but when you get big hairy man feet in them that just sets my creep-o-meter right off the charts.  Big hairy feet on display and separated by a toe post, boke.

I also don’t think I’m freaked out by the whole foot, maybe more by the toes.  My sister used to get those freaky socks that have the toes in them (knowing I didn’t like them) and she would chase me about the house and I would run and scream (this is when we were young and living at home, well I still consider myself young).

Of course when I made the mistake of expressing my hatred for feet in flip flops during a work conversation most of my work mates take it upon themselves to now wear the awful things into work to annoy me.  Luckily I can hear them a mile away coming up the hallway so now I can avoid them.

Am I a freak of nature? Possibly.  Do I care? No!

Adult Toilet Training (31 July 2015)

I have bit my tongue on this topic for too long, which isn't like me cos I usually just speak my mind, but this is getting ridiculous.  It's not really a topic people want to hear about and I don't particularly want to write about but it has to be done.

Adults using toilets that have apparently forgot how to use one!!  All those years of training you were given by your parents when growing up on how to actually use the loo.  It isn't rocket science now is it?  You make your 'deposit' and you FLUSH the fucking chain!!!  Holy shit like it isn't hard steps to follow.  At least a few times a week in work (where there are no children to take the blame) you see this common occurrence of someone leave their 'dsposit' (lets just call it a floater) in the loo.  I don't need to be seeing that shit (don't mind the pun). 

So this isn't a sexist post I'm actually talking about the women's loos, people always say that the men's toilets are the worst.....guys I'm telling you this now, women's loos are frigging minging!  I just dread to see how these so called adults are potty training their own kids. 

Its not even just the flushing, its the aftermath on the toilet seat (guys I know yous are the worst for that though) and the toilet roll left on the floor if someone missed the bowl.  WFT its a pretty big target, how can you miss?

That's my rant over at the minute. Think this one deserves a page to itself.

Cheeky Grins from Workmen (30 July 2015)

Like every morning I was out walking my dog.  Coming near the end of our walk I was approaching two workmen, they were in and around my age.  I was walking past a line of cars when I seen one of the guys looking over and he flashed a cheeky wee grin.  I don't get that much so I just smiled back and went on my way.  A few steps later I noticed that he was still looking over at me but when I got to the end of the row of cars I noticed that his face dropped a little.

Once I realised why this happened I actually laughed away to myself as I walked on.  It turns out that since the cars were not there to hide most of my body he was oblivious to what I was carrying.  It was a huge bag of steaming dog turd that my giant monster dog had earlier on our walk.  I found this highly amusing, but I'm gonna keep the streets clean from shite!

Questions for Celebrities (28 July 2015)

Usually I have one post per day but I thought this one deserved one of its own.

The question arose today that if I was away somewhere and walked into a pub and my favourite actor was there What would I go and as him?

Now, instead of giving the normal dizty response of 'can I have your babies?' (made myself laugh there) my automatic thinking led me down another road.

I'm in a pub I've never been to before and I can see someone that I don't know but they are the only familiar looking person to me. I would ask what I would ask my friends when I get to a new pub, 'do you know where the loo is?'.

I thought this would be a good enough question to ask. People freak out when they see famous people and it freaks me out
 Do they not get that they are normal people amd don't want to be spoken to like they are aliens. They are doing a job and yes they are very talented and their stuff is awesome to watch but I feel bad for them that the instrusion of fame is the price they pay for it.

Drunken 'Factual' Conversations (27 July 2015)

On Saturday night I overheard one of my friends having a drunken conversation.  Coming from the country that I do it is commonly known for its divide due to religion.  Well anyway, within my group of friends there are different mixes of religions as we don’t care about all that nonsense so we can comment on all of our religions without any of us getting offended.

Now my friend that said this next comment says the stupidest stuff when she’s drunk and it’s always about odd things.  Her statement was that one religion had different eyes than the other.  Seriously? Where the hell did that come from?  We are all Caucasian.  How can we have different eyes? HAHA.  The shit you hear come out of some people’s mouths.

One of the last times we got together she told us a story about a guys that told her all about babies and how the gender of them is determined.  Well, to cut a long story short it ended up being that he said that only ‘real’ men could produce girls.  You do end up thinking that some people convince themselves that all this stuff is true just cos they heard it from someone that knows someone that knew someone that knows these as ‘facts’.

Hangovers in your 30s (26 July 2015)

This morning (I mean 10.40am) I woke up after getting home at 2.30am from a night of drinking at my friends house.

A great night was had, plenty of booze was consumed and I felt the effects of it this morning.  Now a hangover in your 30s is not like a hangover in your 20s. In your 20s you get up about half an hour later than normal and feel like you could get up and do it all again. Some freaky voodoo magic happens once you turn 30 and that hour of sleeping in turns into needing until at least lunch time to be able to function normally again. You wake up and it actually tastes like you have ate shit,  even if your like me and brush your teeth before bed no matter how drunk you are.

Sometimes you even wake up feeling great and think you have escaped the hangover,  this is just to lead you into a false senses of security because the moment you want to go out and do something that's when the hangover begins.  This is usually around lunchtime and will determine whether your gonna be sick or not.

Every time you wake up with one of these Hangovers you curse yourself and swear that your not drinking ever again..even if your friend asks you the next day if you want to go out at the weekend you say no!  But if she asks you two days later then somehow you have forgotten about your hangover and weekend plans are made and it goes round in one big vicious circle.

We are strange creatures in a way. We seem to enjoy pleasure pain.

Carly Rae Jepsen vs Norman Bates & Suspicious Strawberries

Carly Rae Jepsen vs Normal Bates

On my drive into work this morning 'I Really Like You' by Carly Rae Jepsen came one.  Now I have only heard this song a few times but never really listened to it, if you know what I mean.  I heard this line which frankly completely disturbed me!

Who gave you eyes like that?
Said you could keep them?


Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this?  Clearly this is not meant to mean the following thoughts that popped into my head but here we go......Who doesn't get to say if they get to keep their own eyes?  This started to lead me down the path of the possibility that she may well be a serial killer (she should read the article that I read the other day).  Why would she think she had the right to think someone shouldn't get to keep their own eyes?  Various horrible images then peered into my mind of her trying to rob someone of their eyes but it turned into a slapstick comedy in my head in the end.

 

Suspicious Strawberries

I was having strawberries this afternoon and while I was eating them I became very suspicious of one I was about to eat.  There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it but I just took a disliking to it and my brain was telling me not to eat it.  The actual phase that popped into my head as it edged towards my mouth was "You look suspicious".  I have no idea why this happened so I just threw it in the bin. 

Liam and Jason Invade Dreams (21 July 2015)

I finally remembered my dream from the other night.  For some odd reason I was hosting an awards show.  Being from the same country and all I asked if Liam Neeson was in the audience to that we could have a chat in our own lingo. 

When he stood up he was dressed as a baked potato and even had a bit of cheese stuck to him.  When he got up and spoke no one else in the audience had a clue what we were talking about.  That was pretty much the end.  I wonder if I was hungry during the night?


I also had a weird one last night.  I was in my house and Jason from Friday 13th called at my door but when I wouldn't let him in he fell out with me and started chasing my through the house.  He was full on running!! I didn't know Jason could run??!!  Anyway, after what seemed like a lifetime of being chased my fat ass got stuck trying to climb through the window, the machete went up in the air and my alarm went off and woke me up.  I get out of these dreams just in the nick of time!

Dreams, Age, Farts & That Friggin Fence

Dreams

I have another weird dream last night but for the life of me can't remember.  I woke up this morning with a clear memory of it but by the time I got up and brushed my teeth it was gone. This is gonna do my head in all day. It's after 3pm and it still hasn't come back to me yet.

Age

I'm convinced that once you get over 30 your memory just gets worse. I find myself having to set reminders in my phone or having to take notes of things. The joys of getting old!!

F%&"$ng Fence

OMG the sun has actually come out, I'm reminded now that I still have to paint the garden fence. I bet as soon as I get home from work that it will start to pish down.

I took these when I was walking the dog in the woods at the weekend.

Farts

I made the mistake of putting onions in the hubby's dinner tonight :( 

Baby Hands & Tom Hardy the Karaoke King

Baby Hands

Was sitting in the hairdressers this morning when I heard the weirdest comment about a newborn baby "he has his dad's hands". Seriously WTF? I have heard he has his nose or eyes before but hands? Does the dad have wee T-rex arms to go with his tiny hands?

Tom Hardy the Karaoke King!

Once again my dream was rudely invaded by the man known as Tom Hardy!  Same thing as last time, up on stage at karaoke except thing time it was "Born to be Wild".  I hope this isn't some prophecy that we are destined to have a karoke competition cos if it is then I'm fucked!

 This made me laugh

Crazy Mobility Scooters, Head Invaded by Songs and Kids

16th July 2015

10.19am

Listening to a conversation in work about a TV programme that was on last night.  Appparently mobility scooters do a "dangerous" speed of 8mph HAHA.  I think this is going to be a long day.

11.32am

Doing impressions of Churchill the dog to pass time, I don't care who you are that shit is funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZToP48Mrp8

2.20pm

A song has been going round and round in my head for two days now, its really doing my head in.  That song, but I don't know who sings it "You think your cooler than me" or something like that.  It was out a few years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqWq_48LxWQ

I have also realised I'm 19 pages through my notebook and if anyone is still reading this then well done, I thought you would have given up by page 2.

There is no structure to this story, there will be no big main even, your just reading this cos your nosey (not in a bad way).  I have no interesting life, I just like to keep note of little daily things that happen, odd things that people say, crazy thoughts and random shit.  When else will you get to see that your not the only one who thinks about randomness all day??

4.10pm

50 minutes until home time!

I have been sitting here for the past two hours thinking about how cold it is in this office.  Its the middle of July FFS!!  I want to put a coat on but I'm stubbonly fighting the urge for the fact its July.

Also, I lifted weights last night for the first time in months and my legs are feeling it every time I get up.  The feeling of walking like John Wayne has been lingering all day.

Last but not least, I have a new song in my head "Kickstart My Heart" by Motley Crue    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNlT5I8R3ZU...well I did until I just remembered that this was a NEW song and I have now remembers the I have ANOTHER annoing song in my head before! GRRRRRRRRR

4.35pm

The mass debate about children has begun (this is a regular occurance).  I mentioned that a friend of mine was due at the end of this month with her first child and she is in her late 30's.

Now I'm in my early 30's and don't have any kids, don't have any urges for them yet and may never.  The debate was that she was a bit old to be starting and she would be too tired to look after the kid, should have had it earlier blah blah. This is always a sore point for some people.  I see it like she has lived her life to the full and done all the things she wanted, now she wants a child to complete the motherhood needs she has now.  Nothing wrong with that, maybe that's what will happen to me or maybe I will just have a house full of dogs :)

9.21pm

Sitting here typing this all out and now that me caught up.  The dog is lying at my feet passed out so now I'm gonna call it a day.